Farts With Lumps The teacher asked little Johnny to use "definitly" in a sentence. Little Johnny replies,"Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies,"Then I have definitly s**t my pants". Mathematics of Love Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy Worth every penny An elderly, disheveled man walks into a brothel. "I want Natalie," the old man says. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies. She charges $1000 per hour. Perhaps someone else?" "No, I must see Natalie." He reaches into his pocket and shows her ten $100 bills. The madam leads him to Natalie's room. The man pays Natalie, stays for an hour and leaves. The next night, he appears again, demanding Natalie. Again the old man pays the $1000, stays for an hour and leaves. When he shows up the third consecutive night, no one can believe it. Again, he hands Natalie ten $100 bills. At the end of the hour, Natalie questions the old man, "No one has ever used my services three nights in a row! Where are you from?" The old man replies, "I am from Minsk." "Really?" replies Natalie, "I have a sister who lives there." "Yes, I know," says the old man. "She gave me $3,000 to give to you."