Q. Have you ever seen a jackass wrapped in plastic?
A. Show me your license.

You're as sharp as a marble.

Your IQ is so low, you have to dig for it!

You're so ugly, you Trick or Treat over the phone.

How tall are you?
I didn't know they stacked sh*t that high!

Q: Why didn't anybody hear Helen Keller scream?
A: She was wearing mittens.

-- Not the brightest crayon in the box
-- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
-- Not the funniest clown in the circus
-- Not the fastest horse in the race
-- Not the sharpest tool in the shed
-- Not the brightest star in the sky
-- Not the most likely Vice Presidential candidate

Are you really that bald or is your neck just blowing a bubble?

If my dog's face looked like your face, I'd shave his *** and make him walk backwards.